+ Dr. Fae's Specialties

• In early sessions I make sure people have the coping skills they need and we address any "low hanging fruit". I help my clients build up their relational and emotional skills while we get to know each other.

• I use a fair amount of psychodynamic and existential teachings in my deeper work with clients. These modalities allow me to dive into my client's concerns and to find and heal root issues rather than managing symptoms like many of the more Cognitive Theories (CBT, DBT, etc.) do. I often focus on family history (especially around patterns of emotion), narratives/ways of being you've learned, dreams, and guided meditations to help clients access their less than conscious feelings. This type of work requires at least weekly meetings.

• I have two main topic specialties: existential crises and men’s issues (I work with people of all genders - see more about this below). It's also very important to me that my practice is rooted in intersectional social justice theory and is trauma-informed. I worked for years with people who were working through severe trauma and/or severe/persistent mental illness. So, you don’t need to worry. Each person's story is unique, but I have heard some tough tales and I'm ready to hear yours.

• Existential sounds like a big lofty word, but it’s just concerns about your existence - your everyday life. Many of my clients struggle with feeling like they don’t exactly recognize the person in the mirror anymore - maybe their job/marriage isn't what they thought it would be or things that used to make them happy just aren't working anymore. Some of my clients have struggled for a long time to be themselves. Sometimes this is because they’ve left their religion or maybe their family (or society) passed down a bunch of beliefs that don’t really work for them now. I work with my clients to help them (re)discover their true selves by challenging automatic belief systems and helping them step into their true system of values.

• I came by my specialty in “men’s issues” accidentally. I worked with dozens of men during my training. Some in a high security state hospital and others as part of a court mandated program for perpetrators of domestic violence, and eventually my caseloads consistently had more men than my colleagues because of my lower drop out rate for men. These were often blue-collar workers, oil field guys, the men of rural places with big religion and even bigger family obligations. Traditional therapy doesn’t work for these guys because if you ask them “how does that make you feel?” They’re likely to say “angry” or nothing at all because these men weren’t allowed/socialized to feel anything else. You can read more about my opinion on men’s issues as a specialty HERE.

• These days, my male (and sometimes female) clients still have difficulties with anger and expressing themselves, but they also struggle because they were socialized for a different world. They were taught it’s expected to work overtime and now they are with colleagues who are “quiet quitting”. They were taught to avoid and ignore differences of others and now they are expected to join diversity and inclusion groups. Some were told to shut up and suck it up and now their partners and children are begging them to speak. Many of my clients these days have come a long way, but still recognize there are some parts of their lives that can’t be fixed with the tools in their toolbox. That’s okay. If there’s anything that my hundred of trips with my dad to Sears, Hobby Lobby, and Lowe’s taught me, it’s that there are always new tools out there. I see therapy as a place where I can share my tools with you, and you don’t even need to return them.

• Just because I specialize in men's issues, doesn’t mean I don’t work well with women or non binary folx. I have had explicit training and experience (in and out of academic contexts) on gender, sexuality, and the intersectionality of marginalized identities (race, religion, SES, citizenship, neurodiversity, ability, etc.). I highlight my specialty in men’s issues because they have more barriers to accessing and participating in care especially if they were socialized in traditional masculine ways. In fact - if you were always considered “one of the guys” or “not like other girls”, I bet a lot of what I said above rings true for you too. Society is differently cruel to all of us.

+ Who is a good fit?

• The vast majority of my clients are FSOs/EFMs at Post. I can ALSO meet with individuals online who are physically located in any of the 40+ states listed HERE, thanks to an interjurisdictional compact called PSYPACT. This list does include the DMV area. In person sessions available in DC.

• My general specialty is concerns about meaning in life. However, I know that's vague and I generally think personality/style of relating might help you decide if we migiht work well together. You might be a GREAT fit for me if some (or a lot) of these things are true for you:

  • You are sick and tired of the way things are and ready to make a change through weekly or 2x weekly sessions
  • You appreciate direct communication/feedback
  • You are a little (or a lot) perfectionistic/type A/overachiever/generally a bit anxious
  • You like homework between sessions (don't panic - this is optional)
  • You use humor/sarcasm or appreciate when others do
  • You question things (You might be very skeptical that therapy will work for you)
  • You want a space where you can talk about all your identities (gender, race, religion, sexuality, ability, etc.) and how they are impacting your life journey
  • You use a lot of profanity (profanity is welcome but not required)
  • You are a social justice warrior or have an interest, understanding, and/or stake in changing/challenging systems of oppression/marginalization
  • You have been in therapy before and want something more in depth or specific

Want to see if we might be a GREAT fit? As I mentioned, the only way for us to truly know is to have a chat. I promise I don’t bite. I mean, I can’t, it’s online. It’s 30 minutes and it’s FREE. What have you got to lose? Get Started

• Still not enough information for you?! Okay, READ THIS.

+ Who is NOT a good fit?

• Couples

• Families

• Children (under 18)

• Individuals who need a high level of care (this is simply not possible in a tele-health setting)

• Individuals who are at a moderate/high risk for suicide

• Individuals who are actively struggling with psychosis (if your psychosis symptoms are well controlled or in remission, let’s talk about if I’m a good fit for you)

• Individuals whose main concerns are addiction related and that addiction is not yet manageable.

I help who I can, but I'm just one lady. If I can't be helpful to you, check out my referral page for people I trust! If you want more information about how to start therapy or find a therapist, I highly recommend this guide. I also link to several resources including therapy directories for specific groups and concerns on my Resources page.

+ What is therapy like with dr. fae?

• I believe therapy is a highly collaborative process. I ask my clients for feedback (e.g. “Does that sound right?” “Was that exercise helpful?”) to make sure we stay on the same page. I like to say I am an expert in change and relationships, but you are an expert in you! The more you correct me, the more I can align my understanding of you with who you really are and the more helpful I can be for you.

• The research shows our relationship is the best predictor of success in therapy. So the collaboration I discuss above is vital, but it doesn't work if we don't have time to be in relationship. So I also require that my clients come in for weekly session. You can leave at any time and you can step down services when you're ready, but it's important that we meet consistently to build a relationship we can work within and to reduce the barriers and defenses that long periods of time between sessions odten bring.

• My main tasks are as follows:

  1. I help you put your issues in the larger context. I focus on you as a part of your context (intersection of identities, relationships, goals, culture, and more). This allows me to guide you to a greater understanding of self. The important flip side of this is I also help you separate your self/beliefs from the beliefs of society. This helps you choose your own driving forces and reject unhelpful pressures from systems like patriarchy/machismo (which harms all genders), internalized racism/homophobia/etc., the "American dream", or more specific personal narratives.

  2. I don’t want you to be happy (but it’s a great bonus if you are!), I want you to be reasonable and self-aware. If you understand yourself, you can make choices that work well for you. Aligned choices give you satisfaction and comfort even in the hardest of times. Life is hard. When you accept that, you can focus on the parts of life where you have power and leverage it.

  3. I point out inconsistencies and unhelpful habits so you can decide if you want to change them or not. If you do, then I help you do that. It can be uncomfortable to be challenged, but it is an important part of my job. Working through that process together creates long lasting change.

  4. I remind you of the strengths you forgot you had, so you can put those back into action. Humans are amazing and resilient creatures. You have already overcome so much, often we just need to make a few adjustments to correct your trajectory. If you were forced to grow up too fast and missed some skills, I can help you learn those too.

+ Dr. Fae's theoretical orientation

• My theoretical orientation gives me a framework for what’s important to people and how they heal. I use several theories and techniques to provide the highest quality care that is unique to each individual’s experience. This is called an “eclectic” theoretical orientation.

• I like to use the following universe metaphor to explain how theories work together. Existential theory is my sun, everything else is illuminated and guided by it. My orbiting planets are Narrative, Solution Focused, Psychodynamic/Object relations, and Cognitive Behavioral theories, and Humanistic theories. All of these are suspended in the gravity of social justice, culturally sensitive and feminist meta theories. These are called meta theories because they don’t have specific interventions, but they are important for the context of the system and they exist everywhere.

• If you want to read A LOT more about my theoretical orientation, you can do so HERE.

+ Getting a little more personal with Dr. Fae

• I am an EFM (spouse) to an officer in the U.S. Foreign Service. That means we move around a lot, but I feel lucky that the internet has made it possible for me to take my therapy practice with me, no matter where we are.

• I identify as a queer cisgender white woman (she/her pronouns). Social justice is a vital part of my life and practice. My antiracism practice is always in process/progress. In the words of Flavia Dzodan, “My feminism will be intersectional, or it will be bullshit”. My feminism is imperfect (an idea I first read about in “Pleasure Activism” by adrienne maree brown) and queer as hell. I use the term Feminist until we can come up with an ideology that better addresses the idea that all humans are struggling and we should try to minimize that when possible through equitable policies & systems.

• If you don’t want to read 4 articles to understand all that, let me break it down. I aspire to live, act, and practice in a way that supports people as whole people and understands how the intersection of their identities and roles creates their unique experience in the world. I understand we live in a complex world with a history that oppressed certain groups and gave power to others. Most of us have some privileged identities and some marginalized ones and it’s important to acknowledge how that plays out in our lives so we can take responsibility for what is ours and not take on blame for what is systemic (but hopefully we can find ways to contribute to changing harmful systems). I support equitable treatment of all people, which involves not only not participating in harmful systems when possible but actively moving to change those systems.

• Humans like to simplify things with dichotomies (heterosexual/homosexual, men/women, good/bad, in a relationship/single) and I recognize that most dichotomies are false and the more we can tolerate the ambiguity and discomfort to expand dichotomies into spectrums and create a grey area, the more likely we are to find our true selves and make choices that align with that.

• Why is all this in my personal section? Well, these parts of me inform my practice, but therapy is about your process and our work together. I put this information out here to let people know it’s safe to talk about ALL your parts with me and I can participate in the conversation. However, it’s in this section because it may be that we never directly talk about these things, and that’s okay too.

+ The boring details of Dr. Fae

• dr. fae frederick has a Ph.D. in Counseling Psychology. Her professional interests center around community and connection. She uses her knowledge of interpersonal, organizational, and cultural/political systems to assist individuals, groups, and agencies in achieving their highest potential and in reconnecting to their mission through intentional interactions and increased understanding of self and others.

• dr. fae is from the United States of America and received her Doctorate (Ph.D.) in Counseling Psychology from Oklahoma State University (Stillwater, Oklahoma, USA), an accredited program through the American Psychological Association. She completed her internship at Aurora Mental Health Center in Aurora, Colorado, an accredited internship program through the Association of Psychology Postdoctoral and Internship Centers (APPIC). She received her Master’s (M.A.) in Mental Health Counseling from Boston College (Boston, Massachusetts, USA). She is currently licensed in the District of Columbia, USA. Her research areas have included: defining social justice, interdisciplinary university-community partnerships, risky behaviors in rural LGBTQ+ communities, and program design and development.

• dr. fae has experience in settings such as: private group practice abroad (Vietnam), community mental health, refugee center, integrated care (within a primary care office), juvenile justice services, domestic violence and sexual assault services, and a high security state hospital. She also has experience in adult and child assessment, teaching at the university level, grant writing, and supervision of other therapists. She is trained to work with all age groups and diagnoses, however her specialties are working with adults to resolve existential crises, finding/making meaning, and men's issues.