Why Didn't Therapy Work for Me?
Unfortunately there’s lots of reasons people may not have benefited from therapy:
The clinician was not very skilled
The clinician may have violated the therapist ethical code
Shared information with people they shouldn’t have
Had an inappropriate relationship with the client
The clinician may have insisted on a treatment that wasn’t working for the client
The clinician may not have been a “good fit”
The clinician may have been burnt out
The clinician and client may not have had a good working relationship
The clinician or client may have ended the relationship too soon
The client may have been ready for therapy or at least the type of therapy the clinician was attempting
The client may have been forced or guilted into therapy by others
Going back to my old “Mental Health providers are Health Providers” metaphor- if you went to a doctor and they gave you a diagnosis that didn’t make sense or treated you in a way you didn’t like, would you get a second opinion or maybe even a third? I hope so.
One would surely be anxious about surgery if the wrong arm had been previously amputated. When trust has been violated, it is very difficult to repair and must be earned. If you are thinking of trying therapy again, let your new therapist know what happened and maybe talk about what you need/expect from them.
It’s important for you to research your therapists’ credentials and trust your gut - especially if you’ve been burned before. Unfortunately no amount of degrees guarantees someone is skilled and ethical. If something feels off, talk to your therapist about it if that feels safe. If it doesn’t feel safe or if the therapist gets defensive/mean, get out of there.
Just like there are skilled and unskilled doctors, plumbers, electricians, and mechanics, there are skilled and unskilled therapists. They aren’t necessarily good or bad people but they just don’t get the job done. Maybe it works for a little while, but the leak may return or the check engine light may come back on.
Some therapists only treat symptoms not the root of the problem, or they may try to work with an issue they don’t have much experience with. Sometimes with more wear and tear from life, the issue just returns and there was nothing anyone could have done to prevent it. That’s okay - wear and tear is normal. If you understand where the original problem came from, a skilled therapist can help you repair the area/related area again.
Other times therapists can cause real harm. The therapeutic relationship is a special and vulnerable one. It is absolutely unethically and often illegal for a therapist to pursue a romantic relationship with a current or previous client. In most countries, therapists are also legally bound to keep your information confidential except in a few special circumstances. Unfortunately, not every country has the same legal protections for the therapist/client relationship.
Many countries also have regulatory boards for skilled professions (doctors, welders, electricians, therapists, etc.) which require all members of that profession to register with the board, and prove their credentials. This board can also punish members who violate the ethics and rules of the profession. If a therapist has violated these principles with you in the past, I’m very sorry that has happened to you. It’s understandable why someone would not trust other members of the same profession after such a violation.
If the therapist is registered within their home/practicing country, you may be able to file a complaint with that board. Here is a guide to the boards for mental health providers in the USA. To find another board try to search “File complaint against psychologist/therapist/social worker in City/State/Territory/Country”. If you can’t figure it out, send me a message and I’ll try to help you find the right place.
It may be important/helpful for you to file a complaint against a therapist, even if it was a long time ago, and even if you are okay now. If a therapist violated their ethical code, it is helpful for their regulatory board to know so they can stop it from happening to someone else. Reporting isn’t always the right choice for everyone. I encourage you to speak to someone you trust about the issue - even an attorney or another therapist.
Whether it was poor fit, poor timing, or poor ethics. I hope you are able to access mental health care that feels safe & helpful. It might take a few tries to find someone who is a good fit. Don’t worry about it. It’s normal. I encourage people to interview at least three therapists (That’s right! You’re interviewing us too!) before they give up. This is my favorite guide for navigating therapy. I didn’t write it, but it’s spot on and I’m a huge believer in not reinventing the wheel.
The right person can help you process through your previous negative experience and hopefully provide a corrective experience. If you have decided you want to give therapy another shot - that’s awesome! I’m so excited for you. If you think I might be able to help, I encourage you to learn more about me here. I am happy to answer any questions you may have before making an appointment.
To book your free 20 minute consultation, fill out the form on my Get Started page.
Dr. Fae
has a Ph.D. in Counseling Psychology. She lives abroad and offers online therapy & clinical supervision. In her individual therapy practice, she specializes in value alignment, existential questions, decision making, and general coping to increase overall life satisfaction. Her online self-study course Deepening & Developing Connections is always available.
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