What If It’s Not That Hard?
This is a blog version of my email newsletter from September 2026. Links and information may not be accurate if you are accessing this at a much later date.
I’ve been thinking a lot about the different ways we make sense of ourselves and our experiences. The stories we carry, the patterns we repeat, the places that have shaped us, and even the things our brains get up to while we’re asleep.
This month, I have a book to share that gave me plenty to think about. I also have a few updates from me and a couple of opportunities for you to put some of your own stories out into the world.
Hope you find something useful here.
Announcement
Yet another group is underway. The power is palpable. I’m so honored to be with this group and so proud of them for diving in. The stories, tears, reflections, and laughter is absolutely the medicine we need. Once this group ends, there won’t be much time before everyone disperses for the holidays, but I would love to offer a brief dream group - 6 weeks. Yes, I do dream analysis - but also, we all have something to add in this work. It’s amazing how one person’s connection to an image can provide the missing link that really makes your dream click for you. I think of it like a side door to psyche - coded messages she is hoping you care enough to decipher.
So if you’ve ever been curious about what your dreams mean or want to develop a closer relationship with your dreams - consider joining me. No experience required. I’ll meet with everyone in advance to provide guidance on catching your dreams and how we can talk about them in a group setting in a meaningful way. You can mark your interest on this form. If you have questions - send me an email at drfae@protonmail.com.
Book Recommendation
I almost never recommend a full self-help book and this book is no different. I read part of this book on recommendation from my therapist. She almost never recommends books either, so I figured it was important. This book marries together Buddhist ideas with Western psychology to help people understand where they have accepted patterns and narratives from childhood that dominate their current lives and relationships. When we are young, we really are powerless against many of life's obstacles and the adults that create them. If we don’t challenge these narratives, they continue to run our lives even when we are adults with more power. To make matters worse, we often date/marry people who help us confirm those old rules rather than people who might push us to make new ones.
Tift does a great job of explaining his ideas in a down-to-earth way (mostly) and I found the last few chapters on couples/relating really helpful. He addresses some cultural ideas (not capital T “Truths”) around how we conflate intimacy with connection and have an urge to reduce separateness in our close relationships - which doesn’t leave room for our Self or the Self of our partner(s)/child(ren). I appreciate how he doesn’t claim there is a coping skill or conversation for every issue. Some things we just have to accept and care for within ourselves so that resentments don’t build up in our relationships.
He’s got some real mic drop moments. I’ll leave a few here for you.
“As children…we must learn how to compromise our sense of self in order to fit with our parents’ and then society's realities regardless of whether our overt, conscious style is that of Independence or dependence, underneath, very few of us enter adulthood knowing how to take even adequate care of ourselves in relationship.”
“We enter relationship partly as relief from the deadness of our own private, self-absorbed, worlds and we then feel continually disturbed when our partners will not be who we want them to be.”
“When clients are ready to begin looking into their experience of blame, I often suggest that, as an emotional experiment, they say out loud to their partner, “I love you but I'm not here on the planet to be who you want me to be or to take care of your feelings for you and I guess you're not here to be who I want you to be or to take care of my feelings.’”
So if these points speak to you, give this book a go. As always, I encourage skimming. Life is too short to endlessly read self-help books. Take what’s helpful and leave the rest.
A Chance to Tell Your Story
A friend and colleague of mine, Megan Norton-Newbanks, is always finding beautiful ways for TCKs and people who have lived across cultures to tell their stories. She has a couple of collaborative book projects open for submissions at the moment that I wanted to share with you.
Letters Now Sent, Volume II asks you to write a letter to a place that shaped you. It could be a country or city, but it could just as easily be a house, an airport, a café, an ocean, or somewhere else that still holds a piece of your story. If you've ever struggled to explain what a particular place meant to you, this might be an interesting way to explore it. Find out more below:
There is also A Work of Heart, Volume 2, created by Megan and Simona Wiig, which explores the Third Culture experience through art. They're inviting submissions including artwork, photography, illustration and other visual work. Find out more below:
If either resonates with you, have a look and consider contributing.
Resources
As always, thanks for joining me here. If I can ever be helpful with a resource or referral, please don’t hesitate to reach out.
Glad you're here,
fae
P.S. I'm not taking new individual clients at this time, but I'm hoping to see more people in my groups, which are focused on genuine connection and deep exploration. So, if you've been curious about joining me, keep an eye out. There'll be another space for you soon.
dr. fae
has a Ph.D. in Counseling Psychology. She lives abroad and offers online therapy & clinical supervision. In her individual therapy practice, she specializes in depth work, value alignment, existential questions, decision making, and general coping to increase overall life satisfaction.
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